Day Twenty-Nine - You Want Fries With That?

Getting out of McDonalds Sans The Cheap, Plastic Toy


OK, all you folks without little ones begging for McNuggets can skip this one. This is for all the moms of toddlers out there who will only eat the "chicken" at the Golden Arches and insist it come in a cool box with fries and a drink. Unfortunately, that also means getting the obnoxious soon-to-break, piece-of-crap, made-in-China plastic toy that comes with it. I abhor these toys. After all, do I really need a miniature green ogre who burps incessantly? Don't I already have two kids? Isn't that enough burping?

Sorry, got distracted there for a minute. Oh yeah, they're also bad for the environment. More plastic crap that will be played with for an hour and then either break or be tossed. Of course, it doesn't help that they're also all packaged in non-recyclable plastic as well.

I've been experimenting with different phraseology in an attempt to avoid the toys. My first attempt failed terribly and went something like this:

ME: Yeah, can I get two McNugget Happy Meals with fries and chocolate milks and NO TOYS!
THEM: OK, that's two nugget meals with fries and chocolate milk and boy toys?
ME: No, not "boy toys", "no toys"
THEM: Oh, OK you want the "under three toys"
ME: No, I don't want ANY toys.
THEM: Um, ok, pull ahead.

I pulled ahead to find my happy meals waiting for me, complete with fries, chocolate milks and toys. I took the food and handed the toys back to the cashier, telling her I didn't want the toys. She looked confused at first, but recovered quickly and said she'd go get me some "under three toys" (these, BTW, are toys without small parts, for kids "under 3" years old -- they're even crappier than their regular toys). I stopped her half way there by shouting "I DON'T WANT ANY TOYS!". She looked at me like I had three heads and with a furrowed brow said "Well, what DO you want?" When she went in search of the manager to deal with the crazy customer, I took off.

But, if first you don't succeed, try try again. You see, the problem is, Americans can't imagine, cannot even FATHOM the idea of not taking something that's FREE. Ah ha! Now I know how to solve the problem. The following week, I tried this:

ME: Yeah, can I get two McNugget Happy Meals with fries and chocolate milks and instead of toys, can I substitute some cookies?
THEM: OK, that's two nugget meals with fries and chocolate milk and cookies?
ME: Yup, that's it!
THEM: OK, please pull ahead

Yippee! No frustration for me, no three-headed monster of a customer for them! Bonus? They usually pack cookies in bags of three, so I got a cookie too! WOOHOO! America ROCKS!

Savings:

My sanity and two crappy-ass plastic toys imported all the way from China and their non-biodegradable, used for a moment, then tossed in the trash plastic wrapper.

Difficulty Level: 3 out of 5

Not as hard as stopping junk mail -- which I'm starting to think is an impossible dream -- but not as easy as say, performing and appendectomy on yourself with a melon baller and some duct tape.